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AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 107
and closely united. During the common sufferings of our
domestic life, we became still more tenderly united; and
under affliction and tears those ties were knit which noth-
ing can make stronger, which nothing can tear asunder,
and which are now the chief source of my life’s happiness.
Years rolled past, and every thing remained in the same
state ; physical pains, caused by inward pains, seized me ; an
eruption covered my face ; my eyes became yellow. I felt,
both in body and soul, a sense of the utmost discomfort, a
kind of frost, a sensation as if I was becoming mouldy. I
had a fear and horror of people looking at me. My posi-
tion, with respect to them and to myself, was insupportable.
The fate of women in general, and my own in particular,
appeared to me to be frightful. I saw assurance and cour-
age in men’s looks; heard them express openly their
thoughts and feelings, and I—was doomed to silence, to
live without life. I was conscious of being born with pow-
erful wings, but I was also conscious of their being clipped,
and I fancied that they would always remain so. I saw
that I was disagreeable and repugnant in the eyes of others,
and I felt that it could not be otherwise, for I was dissatis-
fied with myself, with my inward and outward being.
But during all this suffering, a certain’ strength was
called into life within me. My glance penetrated deeply
into the dark mysteries of human life; I understood every
thing called suffering; and in my own name, and in that
of all unhappy beings, I raised a painful and rebellious
cry to Heaven : —
My cheek was pale, my eyes were running o’er
With bitter tears; my heart, in desolation,
Saw suffering, like a vast and rankling sore,
Prey on the vitals of God’s fair creation.
I looked for dawn, —I found but nightly gloom,
No hope of happier days, no blessed faith;
Life turned like some wild meteor on a tomb
In my sad heart, —I only prayed for death.
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