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142 LETTERS.
do so very little, because my mind is not happy. I believe
that my letters, far more than my conversation, would
amuse them. Our father feels now sometimes a feverish
longing to have you at home, and we shall see whether I
cannot obtain permission to be absent for some time. It
is strange with what a heavy hand time has led us through
our years of youth. We-—vyou and I —are approaching
thirty years, and what enjoyments have we yet had, al-
though we are both, I venture to say it, made to enjoy and
to give enjoyment to others. How little have we not been
able to do, although both gifted with so much energy and
desire for useful and beneficent activity. However, I will
not complain of those two last years, which I have spent in
the country. I have during that time been useful, and fre-
quently happy. Rarely a day went past when I had not
an opportunity of alleviating some sorrow and giving some
happiness. Besides, I had liberty, this precious elixir of
life and health, and I drank of it, and of the fresh country
air, in full draughts. My health, both of body and of soul,
improved, and I enjoyed a life free from pain, especially as
it was not a useless one for others. I often remembered
your frequently expressed wish, that you might have beside
you some mouths into which you could put the food which
you thought superfluous for yourself. This pleasure I have
had almost daily, often at the expense of my own enjoy-
ment, and this little voluntary low diet did me a great deal
of good. But all this is past. JI am now a zero in liberty
and in power. It is, however, not with any bitter or dissat-
isfied feelings that I have to-day thrown a sad glance over
the past years of our youth. I believe that a wiser will
than our own has guided our destinies, and I trust that the
remaining part of our life may with more reason be called
~ the better part, as being more useful, more active, and there-
fore more happy. I say, I hope so, because the prospects
are as much, and perhaps more, limited than they have
ever been. All the happiness, all the joy which I now ask
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