Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - Part two - VI
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ruthless. I thought that her great passion would give me, who
was comparatively cold, a hold on her.
“Beyond her great faculty of loving there was nothing in
her. She was vain and uneducated, envious and crude. There
could be no mental fellowship between us, but I did not miss
it; to possess her beauty and her passionate love was all I
cared for.”
He rose and went over to the side where Jenny was sitting.
He took both her hands and pressed them against his eyes.
“What else but misery could I expect from a marriage with
her? But we reap as we sow, and I had to marry her. I had
a dreadful time of it. At first, when she come to my studio,
she was proud to be my mistress, arrogant in her denunciation
of old prejudices, declaring that the only life worth living was
that of free love. The moment things went wrong she changed
her tone. Then it was all about her respectable family in
Frederikshald, her unstained virtue, and her good reputation.
Many men had wanted her, but she had not listened to
anybody, and I was a scoundrel and a wretch if I did not marry
her at once. I had nothing to marry on; I had neglected my
studies and had learnt nothing but painting. Some months
went by — at last I had to apply to my father. My people
helped me through. We got married, and two months later
Helge arrived.
“I had had hopes of a great artistic work — my folklore
illustrations — but I had to give up my dreams for the reality
of making bread and butter. Once I had to come to an agreement
with my creditors. She took her share of the struggle and
poverty loyally and without complaint — she would willingly
have starved for me and the children. Feeling as I did
towards her, it was hard to accept what she gave in working,
suffering, and renouncing for my sake.
“I had to sacrifice everything I loved; she forced me to give
it up inch by inch. From the very first she and my father were
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