Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - VI
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strength to meet all difficulties, economic as well as social,
which the future may place in the way of a young woman in
your position. It gives me more pleasure than you think to
read it. It is to me a fresh proof that the eternal justice, which
I have never doubted, exists. To you, who made a mistake
because your heart was warm and tender and thirsting for love,
this very mistake, which has caused you so many agonizing
hours, will in the end bring you all you have sought, in a
better, finer, and purer degree than ever you dreamt of, now
that your heart is filled with love for your child. And it will
increase as he grows and begins to know his mother, to cling
to her, and to return her love with a stronger, more profound
and conscious affection as the years go by.
“And to me, who received your love, although I should have
known that love between us was impossible and unnatural, to
me these months have brought indescribable suffering and
sorrow and — emptiness. You have no idea, Jenny, how I miss
you, your youth, your beauty, the bliss of your love; and every
memory of it all is embittered by repentance, an insistent
questioning: How could I let her do it? How could I accept it —
how believe in the possibility of happiness for myself with
her? I did believe it, Jenny, however mad it may sound,
because I felt young when I was with you. Remember that I
forfeited my own youth when I was much younger than you;
the happiness of work and the happiness of love in youth have
never been mine, and it was all my own fault. And this was
retribution! My dead youth came back to life when I met
you; in my heart I did not feel older than you. Nothing is
more terrible in life than for a man to be old while his heart
is still young.
“You write that you wish me to come some day when the
boy has grown a little, to see you and our child. What a
preposterous thought — our child! Do you know what constantly
comes into my mind? The old Joseph on the Italian altar
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