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AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 109
seen in the theatre; painted that of the King; sold them
in secret, and within a year I earned nearly two hundred
rix dollars. To employ this sum, afforded me for the mo-
ment a healing balm.
My sister Agatha had finished the orthopedic treatment,
which she had gone through in Paris, and returned home
in the summer of 1826. She scarcely knew me again, so
much ‘had I become altered in two years. It was decided
that she, my sister Hedda, and myself should remain in
the country, in order to continue Agatha’s treatment. We
were allowed to remain there alone with an old French
lady as a chaperon.
My sister Charlotte accompanied my parents to town in
the autumn. These sisters were and are good, gentle, pa-
tient, and pure beings,— beings, whom nothing in the
world could tempt to deviate from what they consider vir-
tuous.and right. My life now gained outward peace, but
severe bodily suffering, toothache, and rheumatism in the
head, together with the chaotic state of my soul, prevented
me from enjoying this peace. By degrees there awoke
within me an intensely deep desire for improvement of, and
for conciliation with, my better self. I did not hope to
arrive at light and truth until after death, that dear, longed-
for dawn of a better life.
So it appeared to me in my calmer moments. In the
country around me, near and far, there were many poor
and sick. 1 became their physician, nurse, and helper, as
far as I had it in my power. I felt an intense pleasure in
exposing myself to and braving cold, tempests, snow-
storms, even hunger; because the food which I took with
me on my excursions I gave away. Battling with Nature’s
roughness, I felt with delight the moral strength of my
being. JI submitted joyously to the most loathsome med-
ical employments. My bodily feelings were disgust, my /
mental feelings were delight at suffering in order to soothe |
and heal. I denied myself all kinds of comforts, in order |
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