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SKETCHES. F 291
sides, New Year’s Day, and I was so full of life and youth
and strength; the New Year had come. Would it not
bring a new year for my life, for my soul? Images, forms,
presages, mirages of coming events floated over the future ;
but they were still far distant and indistinct. I did not
yet quite know what I was seeking, what I wanted. Some
shapes now approached nearer. There was amongst them
one figure, dressed in a man’s costume, who had shown me
a great deal of politeness, —even a little more than that.
I did not exactly feel any inclination towards him, but this
evening he appeared to me more amiable than usual; this
evening I fancied that I could almost love him.
Just then I heard grandmother say over her cards, —
“ Somebody is coming to pay us a visit to-night!” Ah!
if only somebody would come, I thought to myself, and for
the first time I ascribed a power of a higher nature to my
grandmother’s gift of divination. She had pronounced my
soul’s secret wish. Piano-forte, books, engravings, inani-
mate objects could not satisfy the cravings of my soul. I
wanted a living soul, an equal, a friend. And now grand-
mother promised me a visitor. If he came, surely he came
for my sake, and not for grandmamma’s, and I would have
the conversation all to myself, and my grandmamma would
have to look on. And that figure —if he came, why, then
surely there would be a very interesting conversation be-
tween him and me; nobody could tell what it would lead
to; yes, when I thought of it, I became almost a little
afraid. For there was another figure, also in man’s cos-
tume, to whom I was far more partial, aye, whose footsteps
and voice made my heart palpitate, although he felt no in-
clination towards ine. But this evening — oh! if he should
come it might be different; this evening I felt that I could
charm his heart to me, and there might then be New Year
for him as well as for me in this life. And there was
a third figure —a friend from childhood — who loved me
still, although I have refused his addresses ; oh! if he would
come, I would be so friendly to him, tell him so many beau-
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