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178

(1913) [MARC] Author: August Strindberg Translator: Claud Field
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answer. Doubt, uncertainty, mystery—there is
my hell! Oh that my enemy would reveal himself,
that I might do battle with him, and defy
him! But that is just what he avoids doing,
in order to afflict me with madness and make
me feel the scourge of conscience, which causes
me to suspect enemies everywhere, enemies, i.e.,
those injured by my evil will. Indeed, my conscience
smites me every time that I come on the
track of a new foe.

*



Awoken the next morning after a few hours’
sleep by the prattle of my little Christina, I
seem to forget all, and go to my usual work,
which is not unsuccessful. Everything that I
write is immediately accepted and printed—a
proof that my senses and understanding are
unimpaired.

Meanwhile the papers spread the report that
an American scientific man has discovered a
method of converting silver into gold. This
saves me from being suspected of being an adept
in the black art, a fool, or a swindler. My
theosophical friend, who has hitherto furnished me
with the means of livelihood, tries to enrol me
in his sect. He sends me one of Madame Blavatsky’s
occult treatises and ill conceals his

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