Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - XV. Whither?
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admire the sincerity of the religious life there.
I have been also influenced by my stay in the
St. Louis Hospital, and finally by the occurrences
of the last few weeks. After contemplating
my life, which has whirled me round like
some of the damned in Dante’s hell, and after
discovering that my existence in general had
no other object but to humble and to defile me,
I determined to anticipate my executioner, and
take in hand my own torture. I determined to
live in the midst of sufferings, dirt, and
death-agonies, and with this object I prepared to seek
a post as attendant on the sick in the Hôpital
des Frères St. Jean de Dieu in Paris. This
idea occurred to me on the morning of April
29th, after I had met an old woman with a head
resembling a skull. When I return home, I find
Séraphita lying open on my table, and on the
right page a splinter of wood, which points to
the following sentence: “Do for God what you
would do for your own ambitious plans, what
you do when you devote yourself to your art,
what you have done when you love someone more
than Him, or when you have investigated a secret
of science! Is God not Science Itself?...”
In the afternoon the newspaper L’Éclair
arrived, and, strange to say, the Hópital des
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