Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - Part one - VI
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on. The Swede, then, considered him a rival? He was under
the impression that Francesca had of late been less friendly
with Ahlin.
When he was by himself Helge turned over in his mind what
he was going to say to Francesca — in his imagination he held
long conversations with her. He longed for a talk like the
one they had that day at Ponte Molle; he wanted to tell her all
about himself, but when he saw her he felt nervous and
awkward. He did not know how to lead the conversation on to
what he wanted to say, and he was afraid of being pressing
or tactless; afraid to do anything that made her like him less.
She noticed his embarrassment, and came to the rescue with
chatter and laughter, and made it easy for him to joke and
laugh with her. He was grateful for the moment; she filled
the pauses with small talk and helped him along when he made
a start, but when he came home and thought it all over, he was
disappointed. Their conversation had again been about all
sorts of amusing trifles, nothing more.
When he was alone with Jenny Winge they always talked
seriously — about solid things, so to speak. Sometimes he was
slightly bored with these discussions on abstract matters, but
more often he liked to talk to her, because the conversation
frequently turned from general matters to things concerning
himself. Gradually he got into the way of telling her a great
deal about himself — about his work, the difficulties he
encountered in life and those in himself. He noticed that Jenny
avoided talking about Francesca Jahrman with him, but not
that she scarcely ever talked about herself.
It did not occur to him that the reason why he could not
talk to Francesca as he talked to Jenny was that he wanted to
appear far more important, confident, and strong to her than
he really believed himself to be.
On Christmas Eve they all went to the club, and afterwards
to the midnight mass at S. Luigi de Franchesi. Helge found it
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