- Project Runeberg -  In the Land of Tolstoi /
194

(1897) [MARC] Author: Jonas Jonsson Stadling Translator: Will Reason With: Gerda Tirén, Johan Tirén - Tema: Russia
Table of Contents / Innehåll | << Previous | Next >>
  Project Runeberg | Catalog | Recent Changes | Donate | Comments? |   

Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - XIII. A Ruined Family

scanned image

<< prev. page << föreg. sida <<     >> nästa sida >> next page >>


Below is the raw OCR text from the above scanned image. Do you see an error? Proofread the page now!
Här nedan syns maskintolkade texten från faksimilbilden ovan. Ser du något fel? Korrekturläs sidan nu!

This page has been proofread at least once. (diff) (history)
Denna sida har korrekturlästs minst en gång. (skillnad) (historik)

fur truth and happiness, but in vain. I was troubled with
doubts concerning all the questions of life both here and
hereafter. To my hunger for truth was added an intense fear of
death. These inward struggles I carefully concealed from my
friends and associates.

“In 1881, my eldest brother was exiled to Siberia, and
shortly after we lost our estate. At the same time, one of
my sisters was taken seriously ill. These and other trials
induced me to begin to study the New Testament—a book I
had for many years despised. In the summer I met my invalid
sister at a health resort. She grew worse and worse every day,
and I could clearly see that her end was near. From this time
I began to think seriously of my own death.

“I had to accompany my sister to her home. She was
thoroughly weak, and we resolved to stop a few days with our
mother at X. The Volga steamer, on which we were travelling,
arrived at midnight, so to avoid disturbing our mother, we
stayed on board until morning. The night was still and
beautiful. I went up on deck to watch the dawn. It was a
morning never to be forgotten. For the first time I got a
glimpse of the beautiful morning star. In my heart I resolved
it should be my guiding star for life.

“Soon I had to leave my mother and sister, of whose recovery
there was no longer any hope. When I bade her farewell I was
almost disconsolate.

“I now studied the New Testament with great ardour, and soon
found that I could no longer attend the Orthodox Church, kiss
the eikons of the saints, &c. I then told the directress of the
school that I must give up my post, and gave her my reasons
for such a course. Both she and my fellow-teachers looked on
it as folly, and asked me to stay on.

“It was late in the night, and they tried to persuade me at
least to stay until next morning, but I felt an inward prompting,
as if some one were saying, “Do not wait; to-morrow it may
be too late.” It was more than fortunate for me that I did not
stay. It was immediately telegraphed to my relatives that I
had become insane, and they wished to put me into an asylum.
Others regarded me as a dangerous agitator against the Tsar

<< prev. page << föreg. sida <<     >> nästa sida >> next page >>


Project Runeberg, Wed Dec 20 20:42:26 2023 (aronsson) (diff) (history) (download) << Previous Next >>
https://runeberg.org/jstolstoi/0214.html

Valid HTML 4.0! All our files are DRM-free