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to master it, and yet I never saw her so prostrate
as when she had gained her end. Reality
always seemed far behind her anticipations.
While she was thus overstraining her nerves,
her companionship was not particularly pleasant,
but when the strain was over, and you saw her
depressed and miserable in the midst of her
triumphs, you could not help pitying her intensely.
It was these strong contrasts between light and
shadow which made her character so
interesting.
‘On the whole, our life in Berlin—with bad
lodgings, bad food, ditto air, constant and excessive
work, no changes, no amusements—was so dreary,
that I frequently looked back to our first time
in Heidelberg as to a lost paradise. When, in the
autumn of 1874, Sonia got her degree as Dr. phil.
she was so worn out mentally and physically,
that on her return to Russia, she was for a long
time incapable of any work.
‘In fact, Sonia’s scientific labours never
gave her any real joy. She would always
go to the utmost limit of exertion, which
prevented her, not only from enjoying life, but
from enjoying her very work; thought was her
tyrant instead of her servant. It was quite the
reverse later on with her literary productions,
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