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which used to give her intense delight and put
her into the most cheerful humour.
‘Many other circumstances besides her
excessive work added to the unhappiness of her
student years in Berlin.
‘First of all, her relation to her husband, her
sense of the false position in which they were
placed, and which had become worse through
the unwise interference of her parents.
‘They had visited her several times during her
vacations, and taken her with them to Russia.
When at last the real state of things had
become clear to them, they had blamed her and tried
to improve matters by bringing husband and wife
into closer relations; but Sonia would not hear of
any change.
‘Yet she was not satisfied with her isolated
life. Already she had begun to feel the
craving for great emotions, which afterwards
became a consuming fire in her. Her innermost
self was the very reverse of what you would
suppose, judging by her way of living; but her
longings and desires were suppressed, partly from
shyness, partly from lack of practical sense and
a feeling of her false position. Later on she often
bitterly regretted the utter solitude in which she
had spent these years.
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