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134

MEDDELANDEN OCH AKTSTYCKEN

energies, and preventing my devotions from ascending to God; and
a passage of Holy Writ haunted me night and day, I found I could
not escape from it; it was this, »For, though I preach the Gospel, I
have nothing to glory of; for necessity is laid upon me, yea, woe is
unto me if I preach not the Gospel.» I therefore gave myself to
God, that He might use me as he pleased.

On the last day of 1827, Dr. Warren spoke with me in
reference to my being placed on the Local Preachers’ plan: the time
was a solemn one. My partner, to whom I had been happily united
nearly four years, lay insensible to all around, and within
twenty-four hours her happy spirit passed into eternity. In March, 1828,
the idea was placed before me by one of the travelling preachers,
that I had now no earthly hinderance to prevent my devoting
myself entirely to this work. The more I examined and prayed, the
more deep was my conviction, that if I preached at all, my duty
was to be wholly devoted to it; this conviction increased till June,
when I had another severe contest, having to take up the cross of
preaching in the open air, near the city, where I had spent all my
days. I would gladly have escaped. I was almost induced to turn
back when near the spot; and it came into my mind, »Here have
you been preaching nearly three years, and where is your fruit? If
you are called of God, fruit would appear!» I resolved, as I could
not think of disappointing the people, to expect fruit then; and if
I saw no effect of my preaching, to preach no more. Bless God!
He condescended to the weakness of his dust, and several
individuals were awakened and remained after preaching, expressing a
desire to flee from the wrath to come. Some of these have since
turned aside, though not all. However, the encouragement was
peculiarly seasonable, and I have never since been tried on that subject.

I have no choice regarding the place of labour; the commission
I have received is, »Go ye into all the world, and preach the Gospel
to every creature;» and I know, wherever God is pleased to send
me, there his power can uphold me and his grace be sufficient for
me. The Head of the Church has bid me leave my native land,
and I cheerfully obey; and though nature feels keenly, sometimes
painfully, yet I know I am at the disposal of God, and I go at his
command, looking for the help of his Holy Spirit; encouraged by
this consideration, that, as a Missionary, I have an interest in the
prayers of the general church — and as a member of this body, I
know I have the fervent breathings of many faithful souls with whom
I have taken sweet counsel.

Brethren, withhold them not, for I need them all! May God
answer them, and grant that every circumstance of my life may by
his blessing be rendered subservient to the grand end of my
existence, even to glorify God and enjoy him for ever.

Amen and Amen!

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