Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - XXXII. The Beginning of the End
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makes me drift further and further away from
other people and draw closer and closer to Mother
Nature and to the animals. All these men and
women around me now seem to me of far less
importance in the world than before. I feel as
if I had been wasting too much of my time with
them, as if I could do just as well without them
as they can do without me. I well know they
have no further use for me. Better filer à
l’anglaise before one is turned out. I have
plenty of other things to do and maybe there is
not much time left. My wandering about the
world in search of happiness is over, my life as
a fashionable doctor is over, my life on the sea
is over. I am going to stay where I am for
good and try to make the best of it. But shall
I be allowed to remain even here in San Michele?
The whole bay of Naples lies shining like a mirror
below my feet, the columns on the pergola, the
loggias and the chapel are all ablaze with light,
what will become of me if I cannot stand the
glare? I have given up reading and writing
and have taken up singing instead, I did not
sing when all was well, I am also learning
typewriting, a useful and pleasant pastime, I am
told, for a single man with a single eye. Each
hammerstroke of my typewriter strikes
simultaneously the MS. and my skull with a
knock-out blow on the top of every thought that
ventures to pop out from my brain. I have
besides never been good at thinking, I seem to go
on much better without it. There was a
comfortable mainroad leading from the brain to the
pen in my hand. Whatever thoughts I have
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