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134

(1914) Author: Emma Goldman
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134 Maeterlinck
beauty. But when I saw you again, it seemed to me at
first that my eyes deceived me. My memories were so
fair and so fond but they had been too slow and too
timid they had not dared to give you all the splendor
which appeared so suddenly to dazzle me. I was as a
man that recalled to mind a flower he had but seen in
passing through a garden on a gray day, and should be
suddenly confronted with a hundred thousand as fair in
a field bathed with sunshine. I saw once more your
hair, your brow, your eyes, and I found all the soul of
the face I had adored but how its beauty shames that
which I had treasured in silence through endless days,
through years whose only light was a memory that had
taken too long a road and found itself outshone by the
reality! . . . Ah! I knew not too well what I meant
to do. I felt that I was lost and I desired to drag
with me all I could. . . . And I hated you, because of the
love. . . . Yes, I should have gone to the end had it
not been you. . . . Yet any other would have seemed
odious to me you yourself would have had to be other
than you are. ... I lose my reason when I think of
it. . . . One word would have been enough that was
different from your words one gesture that was not
yours the slightest thing would have inflamed my hate
and let loose the monster. But when I saw you, I saw
in that same moment that it was impossible.
Vanna. I felt a change, too. ... I marveled that I
could speak to you as I have spoken since the first mo
ment. ... I am silent by nature I have never spoken
thus to any man, unless it be to Marco, Guide s
father. . . . And even with him it is not the same. He

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