- Project Runeberg -  Sónya Kovalévsky. Her recollections of childhood with a biography of Anna Carlotta Leffler /
52

(1895) [MARC] Author: Sofja Kovalevskaja, Anne Charlotte Leffler, Ellen Key
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52

SÖNYA KOVALÉVSKY

gether without notes, composing, improvising, passing
from one theme to another. She has a great deal of
musical taste, and a marvelously delicate touch, and I
am awfully fond of listening to her play. Under the
influence of the music and of fatigue from my lessons,
a wave of tenderness surges over me, a desire to
nestle up to some one, to caress some one. Only a few
minutes remain before the hour for evening tea, and,
at last, the governess lets me go. I run up-stairs and
find the following scene: mama has already ceased
to play and is seated on the divan; Aniuta and
Fedya are sitting there also, one on each side of her,
cuddling up to her. They are laughing and talking
about something in so very lively a manner that they
do not observe my arrival. I stand beside them for
a few minutes, in the hope that they will notice me,
but they continue to talk about their own affairs.
This is enough to chill all my warmth. "They are
happy without me." The bitter, jealous feeling
sweeps across my soul, and instead of running to
mama and beginning to kiss her lovely white hands,
as I had pictured to myself down-stairs in the
schoolroom, I hide myself somewhere in a corner, far away
from them, and sulk, until we are called to tea; and
soon after that I am sent to bed.

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