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126
SÖNYA KOVALÉVSKY
prison. These two versions are not in the least alike.
I do not know which is true, as many doctors have
assured me that almost all persons who suffer from this
disease present one typical characteristic—that they
forget how it began with them, and are constantly
indulging in fancies on that subject.
At any rate, this is what Dostoévsky told us. He
said that the disease began with him when he was no
longer in prison, but among the colonists.1 He grew
frightfully weary of the solitude, and for months at a
time he never saw a living soul with whom he could
exchange a rational word. All at once, quite
unexpectedly, one of his old comrades came to him (I have
now forgotten the name which Dostoévsky mentioned).
This was on Easter Eve. But in the joy of seeing each
other again, they forgot what night it was, and sat
straight through it at home, engaged in conversation,
and paying no heed either to time or fatigue, but
intoxicating themselves with words.
They were talking about what both valued most —
literature, art, and philosophy; of course, they touched
at last on religion.
His comrade was an atheist; Dostoévsky, a
Christian ; and both were hotly convinced, each of his own
position.
"There is a God; indeed there is!" shouted
Dostoévsky, at last, beside himself with excitement. At
that moment the bells of the neighboring church
began pealing for the Easter mass. The air hummed
and throbbed with them. " And I felt," said Feödor
Mikhåilovitch, " that heaven had come down to earth
and swallowed me up. I positively attained to God,
and was permeated by him. ’ Yes, there is a God!’ I
shouted, and I remember nothing more."
1 In Siberia, after release from prison.—Trans.
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