- Project Runeberg -  Sónya Kovalévsky. Her recollections of childhood with a biography of Anna Carlotta Leffler /
247

(1895) [MARC] Author: Sofja Kovalevskaja, Anne Charlotte Leffler, Ellen Key
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A BIOGRAPHY

247

another; to her despairing feeling of loneliness, and
the peculiar want of self-confidence which was always
aroused when she felt herself less beloved than she
desired.

Alice says: "I am well accustomed to see others
beloved more than myself. At school it was always
said that I was the most gifted of pupils; but I felt
the irony of fate in bestowing upon me so many
gifts only to make me feel what I might have been to
others. But no one cared for my affection. I do not
ask for much—very little—just sufficient to prevent
any one from intervening betwixt me and the one I
love. I have all my life wished to be first with some
one. . . . Let me only show you what I can be when
I am loved! I am not, after all, a soul utterly
without resource. Look at me! Am I handsome 1 Yes,
if I am loved! Then I become beautiful, not
otherwise ! Am I good 1 Yes, if any one is fond of me
I am goodness itself! Am I unselfish ? I can be so
utterly unselfish that my ever}’ thought is bound up
in another!"

Thus touchingly and passionately could the admired
and celebrated Sönya Kovalévsky entreat for a
devotion which she never received. Not once was she the
first nor the only one with any person, though she
longed so passionately for this boon, and though one
would have imagined she possessed all the gifts which
could Avin and preserve such love.

Alice desires to participate in all Karl’s interests.
She grows bitter when, for various reasons, he draws
back from her. She will not listen to reason. She
tries to force him to put aside all other considerations
and be true both to himself and his calling, and to his
love. This is Sönya through and through.

When, in the second part of the drama, Alice breaks

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