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THE CONFESSION OF A FOOL 31
Abashed by the evidences of his rank, his neckpiece,
the sash, the brilhant uniform, I endeavoured to readjust
the balance by showing off my knowledge. But I only
succeeded in making him feel uncomfortable.
The sword versus the pen ! Down with the aristocrat,
up with the commoner ! Did the woman, when later on
she chose the father of her children from the aristocracy
of the brain, see the future, clairvoyantly, without being
conscious of it ?
In spite of his constant efforts to treat me as his equal,
the Baron, without admitting it even to himself, was
always constrained in my presence. At times he paid
due deference to my superior knowledge, tacitly acknow-
ledging his inferiority to me in certain respects ; at other
times he would ride the high horse ; then a word from
the Baroness was sufficient to bring him to his senses. In
his wife’s eyes the inherited coat of arms counted for
very little, and the dusty coat of the man of letters
completely eclipsed the full-dress uniform of the captain.
Had he not been himself aware of this when he donned a
painter’s blouse and entered the studio at Dusseldorf as
the least of all the pupils ? In all probability he had,
but still there always remained a certain refinement, an
inherited tradition, and he was by no means free from the
jealous hatred which exists between students and officers.
For the moment I was necessary to him, as I shared
his sorrow, and therefore he invited me to dine with
him.
After the coffee he suggested that we should both write
to the Baroness. He brought me paper and pen, and
compelled me to write to her, against my will ; I racked
my brain for platitudes under which to hide the thoughts
of my heart.
When I had finished my letter I handed it to the Baron
and asked him to read it.
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