Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - Part I - VI
<< prev. page << föreg. sida << >> nästa sida >> next page >>
Below is the raw OCR text
from the above scanned image.
Do you see an error? Proofread the page now!
Här nedan syns maskintolkade texten från faksimilbilden ovan.
Ser du något fel? Korrekturläs sidan nu!
This page has never been proofread. / Denna sida har aldrig korrekturlästs.
72 THE CONFESSION OF A FOOL
for the captain. I found him a bear of the worst descrip-
tion, absolutely unapproachable. I was a prisoner for
ten days, solitary, cast away among people without under-
standing, without feeling. It was torture.
I resumed my walk on deck, up and down, in all direc-
tions, as if my restless movements could increase the speed
of the boat. My burning brain worked under high pres-
sure ; a thousand ideas flashed into my mind in a second ;
the suppressed memories rose, pushing and chasing each
other. A pain like toothache began to torment me, but
in my confusion I could neither describe nor locate it.
The further the steamer advanced into the open sea, the
greater became the strain. I felt as if the bond which
bound me to my native country, to my family, to her, was
tearing asunder. Deserted by everybody, tossing on the
high seas between heaven and earth, I seemed to be losing
all foothold, and in my loneliness I felt afraid of every-
thing and everybody. It was, doubtless, a sign of consti-
tutional weakness, for I remembered that as a boy I had
cried bitter tears on a pleasure trip, at the sudden thought
of my mother ; I was twelve years old then, but, bodily,
I was developed far in advance of my years. The reason,
in my opinion, was that I had been born prematurely, or
perhaps even attempts had been made to suppress life
before it could properly be said to have come into exist-
ence. Such things happen only too frequently in large
families. At any rate, I felt sure that this was the cause
of the despondency which invariably overcame me when
I was about to make a change in my surroundings. Now,
in tearing myself away from my familiar environment, I
was tormented with dread of the future, the unknown
country, the ship’s crew. Impressionable, like every pre-
maturely born child, whose exposed nerves are waiting for
the still bleeding skin ; defenceless like a crab which,
having cast its shell, seeks protection underneath the
<< prev. page << föreg. sida << >> nästa sida >> next page >>
