Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - Part I - VI
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THE CONFESSION OF A FOOL 85
informing" me that they would arrive by the two o’clock
boat.
I was overwhelmed with shame. What was I to say ?
What attitude was I to adopt ? ... I reflected. . . .
My reawakened manhood rebelled against humiliating
resolutions ; after a hasty review of the circumstances, I
decided to remain at the hotel until I had completely
recovered, and continue my journey by the next steamer.
In this way honour would be saved, and the visit from my
friends would be but one more leave-taking—the very last.
When I remembered what had occurred on the previous
day, I hated myself. That I, the strong-minded, the
sceptic, should have committed such absurdities ! And
that clergyman’s visit! How was I to explain that? It
was true, I had only sent for him in his official capacity,
and, as far as I was concerned, he had but acted as a
hypnotist ! But to outsiders it was bound to look like a
conversion. Monstrous confessions would very likely be
hinted at, a criminal’s last avowal of his crime on his death-
bed. What a pretty topic for the villagers who stood in
close connnunication with the town ! What a treat for
the porters !
A trip abroad, undertaken at once, was the only way out
of this unbearable situation. Like a castaway, I spent the
morning in walking up and down before the verandah,
watching the barometer, studying the time-tables. Time
passed fairly rapidly. The steamer appeared at the mouth
of the estuary before I had made up my mind whether to
walk to the landing-stage or remain at the hotel. As I
had no desire to be stared at by an inquisitive crowd, I at
last went to my room.
A few minutes later I heard the voice of the Baroness :
she was making inquiries of the landlady about my health.
I went out to meet her, and she almost kissed me before
the eyes of all the by-standers. With a heart full to over-
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