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118 THE CONFESSION OF A FOOL
love is like lightning-, which will strike you ! I love you
as the sun loves the dew—to drink it. Therefore, quick
to the scaffold ! Sacrifice your head so that you may keep
your hands clean ! Don’t imagine that I could ever
debase myself and be content to share you with a third,
never, never !
"
She feigned resistance, but in reality she threw a grain
of powder into the open flames. She complained of her
husband and hinted at things, the very thought of which
made my blood boil.
He, the numskull, poor as myself, wdthout prospects,
indulged in the luxury of two mistresses, while I, the man
of talent, the aristocrat of the future, sighed and writhed
under the torture of my unsatisfied longings.
But all of a sudden she veered round and tried to calm
my excited nerves by reminding me of our agreement to
be brother and sister.
’’No, not that dangerous game of brother and sister!
Let us be man and woman, lover and beloved ! This
alone is worthy of ourselves ! I adore you ! I adore
everything belonging to you, body and soul, your golden
hair and your straightforwardness, the smallest feet that
ever wore shoes in Sweden, your candour, your eyes which
shine in the dusk, your bewitching smile, your white
stocking and your cherry-coloured garter. ..."
"What?"
"Yes, my lovely princess, I have seen everything!
And now I want to kiss your throat and the dimples on
your shoulders ; I will smother you with my kisses, strangle
you between my arms as with a necklet. My love for you
fills me with the strength of a god. Did you think me
delicate ? I was an imaginary invalid, or, rather, I pre-
tended to be ill ! Beware of the sick lion ! Don’t come
near his den or he will kill you with his caresses ! Down
with the dishonest mask ! I want you and I will have
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