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XI
It was on the first of May. All the necessary docu-
ments had been signed. Her departure was fixed for the
day after to-morrow. She came to me and threw her arms
round me.
" Now I belong to you alone ; take me !
"
As we had never discussed marriage, I did not cjuite
understand what she meant, and we sat in my little attic,
sad and thoughtful. Everything was permitted to us
now, but temptation had diminished. She accused me of
indifference, and I proved the contrary to her. There-
upon she accused me of sensuality.
Adoration, incense it was what she wanted !
She had hysterics, and complained that I no longer loved
her. Already ! . . .
After half-an-hour of flattery and blandishments she
grew calmer, but she was not really herself until she had
reduced me to tears of despair. Then she made a fuss
of me.
The more humble I was, the more I knelt before her,
small and miserable, the more she loved me. She hated
strength and manliness in me ; to win her love I had to
pretend to be wretched, so that she could pose as the
stronger, play "little mother " and console me.
We had supper in my room ; she laid the table and pre-
pared the meal. After supper I claimed the rights of a
lover, and she made no resistance.
How wonderful is the rejuvenating power of love ! A
young girl lay in my arms, trembling, and brutality
133
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