Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - Part II - IV
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176 THE CONFESSION OF A FOOL
when I received a letter from Marie, in which she informed
me in heartbreaking words that she was about to
become a mother, and implored me to save her from
dishonour.
Without a moment’s hesitation I packed my port-
manteau. I left Paris by the first train for Stockholm.
I was going to make her my wife.
I had no doubt about the paternity of the expected
baby. I looked upon the result of our irregular relations
as a blessing, as the end of our sufferings ; but also as a
fact which burdened us with a heavy responsibility, which
might spell ruin ; at the same time, however, it was the
starting point into the unknown ; something quite new.
Moreover, I alwa3’s had a very high conception of married
life ; I considered it the only possible form under which
two persons of opposite sex could live together. Life
together held no terror for me. My love received a fresh
stimulus from the fact that Marie was about to become a
mother ; she arose purified, ennobled, from the mire of our
illicit relationship.
On my arrival at Stockholm she received me very un-
graciously and accused me of having deceived her. We
had a painful scene—but need she have been so surprised
after all that had happened during the last twelve months ?
She hated matrimony. Her objectionable friend had
impressed upon her that a married woman is a slave who
works for her husband gratuitously. I detest slaves, and
therefore proposed a modern ménage, in keeping with our
views.
I suggested that we should take three rooms, one for
her, one for myself and a common room. We should
neither do our own housekeeping, nor have any servants
in the house. Dinner should be sent in from a neigh-
bouring restaurant, breakfast and supper be prepared in
the kitchen by a daily servant. In this way expenses were
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