Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - Part IV - II
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THE CONFESSION OF A FOOL 251
" I don’t deny that you have given me a thousand
francs, but you have spent the greater part on yourself !
"
"Have I? Let’s see! Tobacco (very inferior quality),
and cigars at one penny each : ten francs ;
postage : ten
francs; what else?
"
’’
Your fencing lessons !
"
"I’ve only had one : three francs !
"
" Riding lessons !
"
" Two : five francs."
"Books! "
"Books? Ten francs—together thirty francs; let us
say one hundred francs ; that leaves five hundred francs
for incidental expenses. . . . Preposterous !
"
" Do you mean to say I’m robbing you ? You cad !
"
What could I say ? Nothing at all !.. .
I was a cad, and on the following day all her friends in
Sweden were informed of the progress of my insanity.
And gradually the myth grew and developed. The
salient characteristics of my personality became more and
more unmistakable as time went on, and instead of the
harmless poet, a mythological figure was sketched, black-
ened, touched up until it closely resembled a criminal.
T made an attempt to escape to Italy, where I felt sure
of meeting artists and men after my own heart. The
attempt was a failure. We returned to the shores of the
Lake of Geneva, there to await Marie’s confinement.
When the child was a few days old, Marie, the martyr,
the oppressed wife, the slave without rights, implored me
to have it baptised. She knew very well that in my
controversial writings I had fought Christianity tooth and
nail, and was therefore strongly opposed to the ritual of
the church.
Although she was not in the least religious herself, and
had not set a foot inside a church for the last ten years,
or been to communion for goodness knows how long ;
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