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you look closely, you see behind him another pale
being who stares and sneers and paralyzes, and
behind him still another and another, all sneering at
one another and the whole world. While Marienne
lay there and stared at herself with those icy
eyes, all feeling died within her. She lay there and
played the part of being ill and being unhappy;
she played at being in love and being revengeful.
She was all this, and yet it was but acting a part.
Everything became unreal under the gaze of those
eyes watching her, which, again, were watched by
another pair, and another, and another in an
endless perspective. All life’s powers were asleep; she
had had strength for burning hate and overwhelming
love for one night only. She did not even know
if she loved Gösta Berling. She longed to see him
to prove if he could carry her out of herself.
While the illness raged she had only one clear
thought. She took care that the nature of the fever
should remain unknown. She would not see her
parents: she had no wish for reconciliation with her
father. She knew he would repent if he heard how
ill she was. So she commanded that her parents,
and others too, in fact, were to be told that her
eyes, which were always weak when she visited her
native place, compelled her, for a time, to remain
in a darkened room. She forbade her nurse to say
how ill she was and forbade the cavaliers sending
for a doctor from Karlstad. She certainly had the
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