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Although I cannot formulate it distinctly, a
kind of religion has been forming in me. It is
rather a condition of the soul than a view of
things based on dogmatic instruction; a chaos
of sensations which condense themselves more
or less into thoughts.
I have bought a Catholic prayer book, and
read it with a collected mind; the Old Testament
comforts and chastens me in a somewhat
obscure fashion, while the New leaves me cold.
This does not prevent a Buddhistic book having
a stronger influence on me than all other sacred
books, because it ranks positive suffering above
mere abstinence. Buddha shows the courage
when in full possession of vital energy and
enjoyment of married happiness to renounce wife
and child, while Christ avoids every contact with
the permitted joys of this world.
For the rest, I do not brood much over the
sensations which spring up in me; I keep myself
indifferent and let them come and go, approving
for myself the same freedom which I owe
to others.
The great event of the Paris season was
Brunetière’s war-cry, “The bankruptcy of
Science.” Dedicated from my childhood to the
natural sciences, and later on a disciple of
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