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the feast of san sebastiano ij7i
Donna Micaela, who for nearly three years had
loved Gaetano, without a thought that they should
ever belong to each other, had accustomed herself to
a peculiar kind of love. It sufficed her to know
that Gaetano loved her. When she thought of that,
a delicious feeling of security would steal over her.
" What matters it, what matters it ? " she would say,
when she experienced reverses. " Gaetano loves
me." He was always with her, encouraging and
comforting her. He lived in all her thoughts and
doings. He was the breath of life itself to her.
As soon as Donna Micaela could procure his
address, she wrote to him. She then confessed to him
that she had a firm belief that he would meet
with misfortune. But she had feared so much for
that which he would accomplish in the world that
she dared not save him.
She also wrote how she abhorred his doctrines.
She did not dissemble at all. She said, that even if
he were free, she could not become his.
She feared him. He had such a power over her,
that were they to become united, he would make her
a socialist and atheist. Therefore she must always
live separated from him, in order to save her soul.
But she begged and entreated him, that in spite of
all this, he would not cease to love her. He must
not, he must not! He might punish her, in any
way whatsoever, only he did not cease to love her.
He must not do as her father had done. It was
perhaps no more than right that he too now closed
his heart against her ; nevertheless he must not do it.
He must be merciful.
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