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RECOLLECTIONS OF CHILDHOOD 7
her most frequently as in a ball-gown with low-cut
corsage and bare arms, with a multitude of bracelets
and rings.
She is going somewhere, to some evening party,
and has come in to take leave of us.
As soon as she showed herself at the door of the
nursery, Aniuta would run to her, begin to kiss her
arms and neck, and inspect and handle all her golden
trinkets.
" I am going to be just such a beauty as mama
when I grow up!" she says, fastening mama’s
ornaments on herself, and standing on tiptoe to get a look
at herself in the little mirror which hangs on the
wall. This greatly amuses mama.
Sometimes I feel an inclination to caress mama,
to climb upon her knees; but, somehow or other,
these attempts always end in my hurting mama
through my awkwardness, or tearing her gown, and
then I run away and hide myself in the corner with
shame. For this reason I began to develop a sort of
shyness toward mama, and this shyness was
further augmented by the fact that I often heard nurse
say that Aniuta and Fedya were mama’s favorites,
and that mama disliked me.
I do not know whether this was true or not, but
nurse often said it, quite regardless of my presence.
Perhaps it only seemed so to her, because she herself
loved me much more than she loved the other
children. Although she had brought up all three of us
in exactly the same manner, for some reason or other
she considered me her nursling in particular, and
therefore took offense, on my account, at every slight
which was, in her opinion, shown to me.
Aniuta, as considerably the oldest, naturally
enjoyed special privileges over us. She grew up wild
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