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RECOLLECTIONS OF CHILDHOOD 129
to him that he must remember something, and he
tries, and strains his memory in the effort. And
suddenly he does remember, and very vividly, very
realistically, the aversion which filled his being, as plainly
as if it had happened the night before instead of
twenty years ago. But for these twenty years past
it has not troubled him a whit.
He remembers how, once, after a night of
dissipation, and spurred on by his drunken companions, he
injured a child.
My mother simply clasped her hands in horror when
Dostoévsky said this.
" Feödor Mikhåilovitch! For mercy’s sake! The
children are present!" she said, entreatingly, in a
voice of desperation.
I did not understand, at the time, what Dostoévsky
had said, but I guessed from mama’s anger that it
must be something dreadful.
However, mama and Feödor Mikhåilovitch soon
became excellent friends. My mother liked him very
much, although she had to endure a good deal from
him at times.
Toward the end of our stay in Petersburg, mama
took it into her head to give a farewell party, and
invite all her acquaintances. Of course she invited
Dostoévsky. He refused, for a long time, but mama
succeeded in persuading him, to her own undoing.
, Our party turned out very stupid. As my parents
had lived for ten years in the country, they had no
real society "of their own" in Petersburg. There
were various old friends and acquaintances whom
life had long since dispersed in various directions.
Some of these acquaintances had succeeded in
making for themselves very brilliant careers in
those ten years, and in attaining to a very high
9
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