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156
SÖNYA KOVALÉVSKY
many details unlike what others found her to be.
Sometimes she judged herself more harshly,
sometimes more leniently, than others judged her.
Had she, as she intended, continued the
reminiscences of her childhood by writing the whole history
of her life, the picture would have been the one which
she outlined and filled in for me in our many long,
psychological conversations.
Unfortunately she cannot complete this work; which
would undoubtedly have been the most remarkable
autobiography in the world of literature.
It falls, then, to my lot to draw, in faint outline, the
picture of Sonya’s life, feeling that, limned by her own
hand, it would have been deeply and intensely imbued
with her own personality.
From the first I knew that the only way in which
I could succeed in my task would be to write, so to
speak, under her suggestion. I felt I must endeavor
to identify myself with her as I used to do while she
still lived. I must strive to be again what she so often
called me, her 11 second J." I must depict her, as far
as possible, in the light in which she showed herself
to me. Meanwhile I could not decide to publish the
reminiscences which I began to write down shortly
after S6nya’s death, and I allowed a year to pass
without doing so. During that year I conversed with
many of her friends, both of former and of recent
date. I corresponded with those who were absent in
foreign lands whenever I could find them; and thus
sought to supplement my own memory in all things
concerning S6nya’s external life. I have quoted from
my correspondence all that seemed important as
casting light upon her character, but always of course
from the point of view I have indicated—that of
elucidating her own interpretation of herself.
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