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A BIOGRAPHY
197
touch that chord was to awaken the strongest passion
of her violent nature.
Sonya now lost her critical judgment, and was not
in a fit state to inquire whether this charge against
her husband were true or not. Later on in life she
became almost convinced that it had been a pure
invention. But at the moment she felt a strong
inclination to get away from the humiliation of feeling
herself neglected, fearing lest her passion should make
her condescend to the pettiness of spying upon her
husband’s movements, or lead to distressing scenes.
She dreaded living with a man whose love and
confidence she believed she had lost, or seeing him go to
his ruin without being able to save him.
Such fears and dread were too much for a nature to
which resignation was almost impossible. In matters
of feeling she was as uncompromising and exacting
as she was lenient and easy to satisfy in all material
things. She had, without loving him, surrendered
herself to her husband, and made his interests her own.
She had striven to bind him to herself with all the
exquisite tenderness which a nature like hers bestows
upon, but also requires from, the man who was her
husband and the father of her child.
When, despite all, she saw her husband turn from
her, and believed he had put another in her place, the
network of tenderness which she had purposely woven
around him broke. Her heart contracted and shut out
the picture of him whom she had determined to love,
and once more she was alone.
She decided to make a future for herself and her
little daughter entirely by her own endeavor, and she
left husband, home, and country, to resume once more
her student life abroad.
18*
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