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IX
CHANGING MOODS
DURING the following winter the sentimental
element began to play a great part in Sonya’s life.
She found nothing to satisfy and interest her in her
social surroundings. She was not engaged on any
special literary work. Her lectures failed to interest
her much. Under these circumstances she was very
often apt to become too retrospective, brooded over
her destiny, and felt bitterly that life had not afforded
her what she most desired.
She no longer preached of "twin souls," or of a
single love which would rule her whole life, but,
instead, dreamed of a union between man and wife in
which the intelligence of the one was to complement
that of the other, so that together only could they
realize the full development of their genius.
" Laboring together in love " was now her ideal, and
she dreamed of finding a man who could, in this sense,
become her second self. The certainty that she coidd
never find that man in Sweden was the real origin of
the dislike which she now took to this country—the
land to which she had come with such hope and
expectation. This idea of collaboration was based on her
secret craving to be in spiritual partnership with an.
other human being, and on the real suffering caused by
her intellectual isolation. Scarcely could she endure
is* 229
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