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Doc. 209.] HIS SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE IN 1744. 211
asked for some water. The person said it was fresh but muddy;*
whereupon I ordered some milk, and awoke.- This means that
I was on a wrong way, and followed my own understanding into
a fog. In such a case we are afraid of our own people, as
of enemies ; but when we pursue the right way, we are afraid
of nobody. By the water is meant that my understanding
is still turbid ;* and by the milk that it requires to be
strengthened more.
187. Afterwards I saw in a vision somebody who wore a
black cloak; this was taken away from him, when he disap
peared. This means that the former blackness [ see no. 181]
vanished ; which is the case when a man follows this [i. e.
the right] way and puts his trust entirely in God and Christ,†
and not in himself; or in other words when he does not make
flesh, i. e. his own understanding, his arm.
188. I found besides that we are soldiers to fight continually
against Satan. If we have God’s Spirit and life, then it is
daily a victory, but if we have it not it is daily a defeat.
We fall into one defeat after another. If such be the case,
we must not despair, but trust in God’s grace.
189. Last night it seemed to me as if I had seen a com
mission of a lieutenant-captain or something of the kind ; but
I asked Secretary Bierchenius129 to report that I wished
to retain my former appointment as assessor. - By which is
signified that I did not know what is meant by being a soldier
and fighting against Satan : for God sends angels to man to assist
him to fight. This is meant by the black cloak which was taken
off [see no. 187] . God Himself has deigned to enlighten me.
I saw also in vision a heart filled with blood, by which is
meant love.§
190. October 8X9. This night was the most delightful of
all ; since I saw the kingdom of Innocence. Below my feet
I saw the most beautiful garden which could possibly be seen.
On every tree in the garden there gradually appeared white
roses. Afterwards I came into a long room, where beautiful
* See Note 161, vii.
See Note 161 , i.
See Note 165, iv.
§ See Note 161, xii.
14*
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