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AUTOBIOGRAPHY. 105
without a pleasant sensation, this first silent, friendly har-
mony of niy soul with another’s. We parted. I gave him
a carnation and a curl-paper, and he gave me a few sprigs
of lavender. I cried the whole night after our parting,
and for a long time afterwards I sighed his name in my
heart, but very calmly.
In order to please my parents, I had labored very hard
to get used to household duties. I succeeded, because I
had then, as now, a very strong will, although I rarely
understood how to give it the proper direction. I also
worked and labored hard at my piano, and rose at four in
the mornings, nierely for the purpose of playing the scales.
I wrote theatrical pieces in honor of every birthday in the
family ; arranged sniall fétes, and began to flatter the heads
of the family in a delicate manner ; in a word, I became a
complete courtier, and rose with my parents to the rank of
favorite. By means of this favoritism, I wished, however,
to get an opportunity of serving my sisters, and I succeeded
sonietimes, but not often. Nowhere have I seen so many
tmpossililities for every thing, except for very long journeys,
as in our house. I wrote during this time some humorous
and some tragic pieces, which I believe gave promise of
something better ; but nobody cared to take the trouble of
trying to develop this promise. I had no idea of being
able by industry to make something of myself in the way
of intellect aud knowledge.
All my actions during many years were devoid of plan
or order. In 1821 we worked through our continental
trip, and journeyed in covered carriages, and “toiled on
our weary way” through Germany, Switzerland, France,
and the Netherlands. For all the treasures of this world,
aye, even for the genius of Tegnér, I would not again make
this journey in the same way. I will only speak of the
suffering which more particularly fell to my share. The
desire for knowledge and the desire for enjoyment were
reawakened within me a new, all-consuming fire, at the
sight of the masterpieces of Nature and of Art.
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