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124 LETTERS.
own choice to travel; but rest assured that my choice and
my wish is, that it should remain as it is now.
You are right, my dear Charlotte! I should cer-
tainly not be able, as you think possible, to bear stoically
such trifling discomforts as those which you anticipate. I
may in this respect compare your soul to the stout satin, —
the smooth surface of which can withstand many creases, (
and much wear and tear, in comparison to the soft muslin, )
which the slightest rough handling spoils, and the likeness ‘
of which I recognize in the composition of my own weak
and helpless soul. Be not uneasy about me and my dis-
position. Gay I am not, it is true; but I am often very
happy when I contemplate this peaceful life of self-denial,
which, I trust in God, may guide me to the goal which
I have always deemed the only one worth longing for.
Earthly happiness I hope to receive at the hands of my
brothers and sisters, especially my sisters, and I know that
their happiness will render my own too great almost for
this earth. Do not see herein any feature of melancholy.
It is, believe me, not melancholy. On the contrary, in
these ideas my brightest hopes are clothed; and also
the belief (I will not call it a fantastic one) that the
fervent and constant prayers which a heart, renouncing
all its own claims and devoting itself to God, pours out
for those whom it loves above all others, and for their own
sake, will not be ineffectual. Do not deprive me of the
happiness of hoping that one day I shall be your invisible
guardian angel. And if your Fredrika, once so worldly-
minded, should seek, under a more serious exterior, for
peace and a more spiritual life, it ought not to make you
uneasy, dearest Charlotte, you who know that it is neces-
sary, especially for certain characters. My dearest Char-
lotte, you can never write too much about yourself; for me
it will always be too little. You are really very good to
write, when I know that letter-writing does not much inter-
est you. But you think of me,— you wish to make me
happy, — and you do it.
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