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she was straining herself to the utmost to win
the prize, which it had now become a point of
honour for her to obtain, as all her friends among
the mathematicians knew that she was competing
for it, the new crisis in her personal life occurred,
for which she had been yearning so long. She
lived in a torturing conflict between the claims
of womanhood and those of science; wearing
out her physical strength, besides, by constant
night work.
Sonia herself dimly felt, though it was not
expressed in words, that the feelings of her
friend began to cool when he saw her so entirely
absorbed by her work, just at the moment when
the bond between them seemed to be strongest.
Very likely he looked upon this work as a
gratification of vanity, and of a craving for honour
and distinction—an honour, moreover, which
does not help to render a woman attractive in a
man’s eye. The triumphs of a singer or of an
actress often conquer a man’s heart, also the
beauty of a woman admired in society; but how
can a man’s fancy be captivated by a woman
whose studies dim her eyes and wrinkle her
brow, in order that she may win laurels on the
field of science? These were Sonia’s melancholy
reflections.
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