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To my brother she explained the idea of a new
mathematical work, which he thought would have
become the most important of her productions.
Amongst several novels which she intended to
write, was one which she had already commenced,
and in which she intended to give a
character-study of her father. Another was to have the
title, ‘A Nihilist,’ and to contain part of the
history of Tschernyschevsky’s life.
Often as Sonia had longed for death, she did
not want to die just now. In fact, according to
the friends who were living with her at the last,
she was nearer resignation than she had ever
been. She had ceased to hope for that perfect
happiness, the ideal of which had been constantly,
haunting her, but she still longed for the stray
sunbeams of it which might fall upon her path.
And, in her innermost heart, she was afraid of
the great unknown. She had often said, that
only her uncertainty as to whether the future
world brings punishment or not had prevented
her from putting an end to her present life. She
had no definite religious creed, but she believed
in eternal life for the individual, and she trembled
at the thought of it. Above all, she dreaded the
moment when earthly life would cease, and often
quoted Hamlet’s words:
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