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WESTIN, JiREV FRÅN C. O. ROSENIUS
319
mild Providence, she began to make inquiries about a people which
had before inspired her with the greatest abhorrence—the people of
God. And now this heart, before so shut up and worldly-minded, was
led to hear the word of God, and began to listen to the voice of the
Heavenly Father, saying to her, " Come again, you rebellious child, I
will pardon you all." Now for the first time she saw her sins towards
this faithful Father; now she began to feel that it is an evil thing and
bitter to have forsaken God, our Lord. A new hindrance now arose,
of which she had never before known—her great unworthiness kept her
back. " It is impossible God could receive so great a sinner as you, who
have in all your life forgotten and despised Him:" those and many more
such thoughts engrossed her mind.
When she could afterwards believe that all her sins could be
pardoned for the sake of Christ, there arose another and still mightier
hindrance for her believing in the grace of God; now it was her
repentance and prayer, that could never be such as she wished, but she
felt her heart so unbecomingly hard, cold and ungodly. She feared now
more than ever. She prayed, she struggled, she read and heard the
word of God; but all in vain. In this state she came to me about three
years ago, told me her whole history and her unhappy situation, for the
sake of the wicked, dead, and ungodly heart she had.
I now tried, with the grace which God gave me, to prove to her
that even this ungodliness of her heart belonged to the mass of sins
which were thrown upon the Lamb of God, and that the law, when it
attacks the heart of man, cannot but " work in us all manner of
concupiscence, and be unto death," (Rom. 7;) wherefore she would be obliged
to receive grace for grace as a quite lost sinner.
Though she now began to turn her eyes toward this only way of
salvation, there remained yet a great darkness in her soul; she now
strove to feel something particular in her heart, before she would
believe, and was thus deprived of all the comfort of the Gospel. But
He, who went to meet Thomas on this way of unbelief, also rescued
this poor soul. One night, when she had gone to bed, sad, dejected,
and longing for certitude and testimony of the grace of God, she
awakened. And now the Holy Spirit began to preach to her in a quite
particular manner. The hour of help was come, Christ was glorified
to her, a new light was thrown upon the promises of God, which became
more and more comforting for her soul, and in a blissful certitude of
the grace of God she now embraced her Savior, shedding tears of
indescribable joy at the rich grace of God. From this time she has
grown in grace and the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, and is
now, to all who know her, a wonder of God’s godness and faithfulness
towards sinners.
Her former idol, her husband, is now married to another woman;
but she enjoys a happiness and peace which 110 one can take from
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