Full resolution (JPEG) - On this page / på denna sida - XX. Insomnia
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out the whole day for others. Rosalie was my
medical adviser. I swallowed obediently tisanes
after tisanes concocted by her, French fashion,
from her inexhaustible pharmacopœia of
miraculous herbs. Rosalie was very worried about
me. I even found out that often on her own
initiative she used to send away my patients when
she thought I looked too tired. I tried to get
angry but I had no strength left to scold her.
Norstrom was also very worried about me.
Our mutual position had now changed, he was
ascending the slippery ladder of success, I was
descending. It made him kinder than ever,
I constantly marvelled at his patience with me.
He often used to come to share my solitary dinner
in Avenue de Villiers. I never dined out, never
asked anybody to dinner, never went out in
society where I used to go a lot before. I now
thought it a waste of time, all I longed for was
to be left alone and to sleep.
Norstrom wanted me to go to Capri for a
couple of months, for a thorough rest, he felt
sure I would return to my work all right again.
I said I would never return to Paris if I went
there now, I hated this artificial life of a big city
more and more. I did not want to waste my
time any longer in this atmosphere of sickness
and decay. I wanted to go away for good. I
did not want to be a fashionable doctor any
longer, the more patients I got the heavier did I
feel my chains. I had plenty of other interests
in life than to look after rich Americans and
silly neurotic females. What was the good of
his talking about throwing away “my splendid
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