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PASTORAL ADVICE
be attempted. Indiscreet questions should be avoided, the
greatest delicacy being observed when approaching sexual
matters and all other intimate human relationships.
A very important rule is that the person being advised should,
wherever possible, be given the opportunity to draw the
conclusions that will lead to the solution of his problems. An
attitude too actively and anxiously helpful conveys an
impression of officiousness and is quickly resented, especially by young
people, who are extremely sensitive to it.
The best adviser is often the person who will help a confidant
to see both sides of a problem clearly. Sometimes it is desirable
to suggest that the pros and cons of a situation be set down on
paper and weighed one against the other by the enquirer while
the adviser acts rather as a referee to ensure that every item
receives due consideration. Sometimes a similar procedure is
valuable when there are several different ways of meeting a
situation each having its own consequences. The adviser’s task
is then to ensure, as far as he can, that the confidant realises what
these consequences may be for good or ill, and to ensure that a
decision is taken only with full knowledge of what it will
involve in the future for all concerned.
Giving advice, true advice, presupposes co-operation. The
more closely one can observe this ideal, even in the form of help
one offers, the better it is. Although in fact the adviser leads in
whatever is done and keeps the initiative while a person is under
treatment, it is often necessary to ask a degree of co-operation
which, for the time being, throws responsibility on to the
confidant.
For example, it can be very difficult to help a person in a
subjective attitude to see a situation from the point of view of
others. It may be necessary to hand over the initiative
temporarily by asking: ‘What advice would you give to a person in
this situation?’
The adviser’s attitude should be ruled by a spirit compatible
with the subject and the task in hand. He should neither
cultivate the appearance of an oracle nor speak like an oracle.
He should express himself simply and clearly and as far as
possible in the idiom of the person before him. Above all, he
should be unshakably patient. Even when the confidant wants to
hasten towards the solution of his difficulties it is often wise to
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