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Doc. 209.] HIS SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE IN 1744. 161
brother. I afterwards thought what was the reason of this,
when it seemed to me that my father was dead, and that con
sequently he who was [i. e. appeared as] my father must have
been my brother.
I must not forget that it also entered into my thoughts,
that the Holy Spirit desired to lead me to Jesus, and present
me to Him, as a work that had been prepared by Him, * and
that I must not claim anything to myself; but that all is His,
although of grace He appropriates it to us.
I then sang the hymn which I had selected, " Jesus is my
best of friends," no. 245.†
30. This much have I learned thus far in spiritual things,
that there is nothing for it but to humble oneself, and with
all humility to desire nothing but the grace of Christ.‡ I
strove from my own self to obtain love ; but this is presump
tuous: for when any one has God’s grace, he leaves himself
to Christ’s pleasure , and acts according to His pleasure ; a
person is happiest when he is in God’s grace. With the
humblest prayer I had to ask forgiveness before my conscience
could be appeased ; for before doing so, I was still in temp
tation. The Holy Spirit taught me all this, but I in my
weak understanding passed over humility, which yet is the
foundation of all.
31. April 7X8. Throughout the whole night I felt as if I
were going down deep by ladders and passing through various
rooms ; yet I was confident and felt safe, so that the descent
was without any danger to me; in my dream also this verse
occurred to me : "Depth below nor height above E’er shall
hold my soul enticed," &c.§
32. It seemed to me afterwards as if I were with a number
of others at a clergyman’s to dinner. I paid about a louis-d’or
for my meal, and thus more than I ought to have done. On
taking my departure I had two vases of silver with me, which
* See Note 165, i.
† An English translation of this hymn will be found in Note 169.
‡ See Note 165, viii.
§ See hymn, "Jesus is my best of friends," Note 169.
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