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166 SWEDENBORG’S TRAVELS AND DIARIES. [Doc. 209.
but whether it does in the other I do not know, for it is
possible that the other is intensified on mere bodily grounds.
Still I will not go further into this subject).*
44. I saw a bookshop, and immediately the thought struck
me that my work would have more effect than that of others ;
yet I checked myself at once ; for one serves another, and our
Lord has more than a thousand ways by which to prepare a
man, so that each and every book must be left to its own
merits, as a means near or remote, according to the rational
condition of every man. Still arrogance at once crops up :
may God control it, for the power is in His hands !
45. I experienced so much of the Lord’s grace, when I
resolved to keep my thoughts in a state of purity, as to feel
an inmost joy;t still this was accompanied by pain of body,
which could not bear the heavenly joy of my soul, wherefore
I commended myself most humbly to God’s grace, that
He would do with me according to His good pleasure. May
God grant me humility to see my frailty, impurity, and un
worthiness.
46. All the while I was in society constantly as before,
and no one could [observe] the least change in me ; this was
of God’s grace‡ .... I was not allowed to mention the large
measure of grace which had fallen to my lot ; for I perceived
that on the one hand it could serve no other purpose than to
set people thinking about me either favourably or unfavourab
ly, according to their disposition towards me; and, on the other
hand, it would not be productive of any use, if the glorification
of God’s grace [served to encourage] my own self-love.§
47. The best comparison I could make of myself was with
a peasant elevated to power as a prince or king, so that he
could have whatever his heart desired; and yet there was
* The passage enclosed in parenthesis was evidently crossed out by the
writer immediately after he had penned it.
See Note 162, ii. See Note 165, viii.
§ This paragraph, according to a statement of the Swedish editor, is
crossed out in the original, the pen having been drawn through each line.
After a good deal of trouble a portion of the writing has been deciphered
by him. The words in brackets have been supplied by the translator.
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