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Doc. 209.] HIS SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE IN 1744. 171
and thoughts ; part of it I stopped up, from another part I
sought to escape, and still another part I turned aside : for
the people signified my thoughts and my will.
56. Afterwards I came out thence, and began in thought, in
a certain way, to measure and divide into parts what proceeded
from the centre to the circumference [see no. 52] . It seemed
to be heaven ; for there appeared afterwards a heavenly lustre.
I can, indeed, make guesses about this; but I am not allowed
to look upon them as certain, because it concerns something
in the future.
レ
57. Whilst I was in the first struggle, I called on Jesus
for help, and it ceased. I also folded my hands under my
head, and then it did not come a second time. I was, never
theless, in a tremort when I awoke, and heard now and then
a dull sound ; but I do not know whence.
58. Afterwards, when awake, I began thinking whether all
this was not mere phantasy ; and I then noticed that my
faith was vacillating. I therefore pressed my hands together,
and prayed that I might be strengthened in faith, which also
took place immediately. Again, when thoughts occurred to
me about my being worthier than others, I prayed in like
manner, whereupon these thoughts at once vanished ; if, there
fore, our Lord in the least withdraw His hand from any one,
he is out of the true path, and also out of [a state of] faith,
as has been manifestly the case with me.
59. I slept this night about eleven hours, and during the
whole of the morning was in my usual state of internal gladness,
which was, nevertheless, attended with a pang: this, I thought,
arose from the power of the Spirit and my own unworthiness.
At last, with God’s help, I came into these thoughts, that
we ought to be contented with everything which pleases the
Lord, because it is for the Lord [and not for us] to say;
and, further, that the Spirit is not resisted, when we receive
from God the assurance that it is God’s grace which does all
things for our welfare:§ for if we are God’s, we must be
* See Note 161, vi.
See Note 162, i, E.
See Note 161, i, F
§ See Note 165, viii.
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