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Doc. 209.] 177
HIS SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE IN 1744.
the body there seemed to be something of discontent, but in
the spirit joy;* for the grace of our Lord does this. May
God strengthen me therein!
70. I was continually in a state of combat between
thoughts which were antagonistic to one another. I pray Thee,
O Almighty God, that Thou wouldst grant me the grace of
being Thine and not mine. Pardon my saying that I am
Thine and not mine ; it is God’s and not my privilege to
say so. I pray for the grace of being Thine, and of not being
left to myself.
April 13X14. 71. It seemed to me as if the grace of
the Spirit was working in me during the whole night. I saw
my sister Hedwig,5 with whom I would have nothing to dof
This signifies that I must not touch the Economia [Regni]
Animalis, but leave it.
72. It seemed afterwards that when the time was passing
slowly, she first said to her children, go out and lock [the
house], and then that they might play at backgammon or
cards ; whereupon they sat down and beguiled their time with
it, and likewise by sitting down to a meal.- This, I believe,
signifies that there is nothing wrong in this, if it is done in
the right [spirit]—§
73. During the whole day I was in conflicting thought,
which tried to destroy that which was of the Spirit by abusive
language. I found therefore that the temptation was very
strong.** By the grace of the Spirit I was led to fix my
thoughts on a piece of wood or a tree, then on the cross of
Christ, and on the crucified Christ ; and whenever I did so the
other thoughts fell down flat, as of their own accord. I bore
down this thought so strongly upon the other, that it seemed
to me I should crush the tempter with the cross, and drive
him away ; when I was relieved for a time. Afterwards I had
to fix my thoughts upon it so intently, that whenever it escaped
* See Note 162, ii. See Note 161, i, C.
That is, that Swedenborg must not go on with the method which
he had followed in this work; but that he must follow that according to
which he had worked out the Regnum Animale.
§ See Note 161, iv, F. ** See Note 162, i, E.
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