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Doc. 209.] HIS SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE IN 1744. 181
and that I represent the inner man, who is opposed to another
[i. e. the external man]. For I prayed to God that I might
not be my own, but that God might please to let me be His.
This has now lasted for twenty-one days.
85. I have since found that most of this has a different
meaning: 1. The two women* signified, that I would rather
be in philosophical than in spiritual studies ; that this, con
sequently, rather exhibited my own inclination. 2. My kissing
Henning Gyllenborg, and seeing so many people, † signified
that I not only was delighted at being in the world, but also
inclined to boast of my work. 3. Nicolaus Nicolai was a
philosopher who every year sent loaves of bread to Augustus;
this signified first of all, that I considered it my duty to be
again reconciled to our Lord, since in spiritual things I am a
stinking corpse.§ On this account I went to our Ambassador
Preis¹¹ and he called on Pastor Pombo, that I might receive
anew the Lord’s Supper, which was also granted. I met
him with the ambassador and went in with him; this was our
Lord’s providence. The same day I dined with Ambassador
Preis, but had no appetite.
86. April 17. I received the Lord’s Supper at the house
of Pastor Pombo.
87. April 17X18. I had fearful dreams. I dreamt how
the executioner roasted the heads which he had struck off;
and how for a long time he put the roasted heads one after
another into an empty stove, which never was filled ; these
were said to be his food. The executioner was a tall woman
who laughed, and had a little girl with her.
88. Afterwards I dreamt how the Evil One led me into
various deep places, and bound me. I cannot remember it
all. Being thus tied, I was cast into hell.**
89. A great procession was to take place from which I
was excluded ; I was to have come away from it. Yet I insisted
on making my way there, and sat down, but was advised to go
* See no. 80.
See no. 84.
** See Note 162, i, E.
+ See no. 81.
§ See Note 165, vii.
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