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186 SWEDENBORG’S TRAVELS AND DIARIES. [Doc. 209.
Muses (Camena) also were victorious.-This signifies that with
God’s grace I conquered in the strife, and that the blood and
merit of Jesus helped me ;* further, that in my studies also I
shall reach the end I have proposed to myself.
103. I then arose, full of God (en hel Gud). God be
thanked and praised ! I do not will to be my own; I am cer
tain of it, and believe that Thou, O God, lettest me be Thine, all
my life long, and that Thou dost not take away Thy Holy
Spirit from me, which strengthens and upholds me.
104. This day I was in most severe temptation,† so that when
ever I thought of Jesus Christ, ungodly thoughts immediately
pressed in, which I could not control as I wished. I beat my
self. Yet I can affirm, that I never was of better courage
than to-day, and that I was not in the least faint-hearted and
pained as on previous days, although the temptation was most
severe. The reason is, that our Lord has given me this strong
faith and confidence, that He helps me for the sake of Jesus
Christ and according to His own promise ; so that I then ex
perienced what effect such faith has.
105. I was also possessed of such courage, and was so in
censed against Satan, that I desired to slay him with the
weapon of faith. Hence may be seen what effect the right
kind of faith has, without being reasoned out and without
being strengthened by man’s reasoning.§ Yet this is God’s
grace alone. If this had happened before, I should, without
doubt, have been faint-hearted. I was, nevertheless, afraid I
might have offended our Lord by thus striving, as it were,
to set myself free ; wherefore I asked His forgiveness with
all the humility of which I was capable.-This most prob
ably was signified by Charles XII being all covered with
blood.**
106. April 21X22. It appeared to me as if I had gone
astray in the dark, and had not gone out with the others. I
was keeping by the walls, and at last came to a handsome
* See Note 165, vi.
See Note 165, i.
** See no. 102.
See Note 162, i, E.
§ See Note 165, ix, A.
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