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Doc. 209.] HIS SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE IN 1744. 187
house, where there were some people who wondered at my
coming that way. They came to meet me, and told me that
this was not the way. I said that in the hall (i wind) perhaps
there was an opening this way ; which they denied.–-This means
that I had gone most fearfully astray on the previous day.
107. There was a great dog which came under the cover
where I was lying, and licked my throat. I was afraid it
would bite me ; but this did not happen, and I was told that
it would not bite me.–This signifies the incidental thoughts
which I had, and that I was precluded from thinking on what
is holy.
108. Afterwards I was with some actors. Some one said
that a Swede had come to visit me. We drove in. A large
staircase was got ready for him. It was a dog wrapt up, with
a pup which it was suckling.- My awful thoughts were signi
fied thereby. The dog was fastened to a measuring rod, or
something like it, and would not go away; in another room
it was at last torn off.-This means that I am freed from
them.
109. It appeared to me in vision as if something were torn
asunder in the air ; which probably means that my conflicting
thoughts are to be torn apart.
Upon awaking I heard the word : alt nåd (all is grace) ; by
which is signified that all that has happened is grace,* and
for the best.
110. Afterwards, because it seemed to me I was so far
separated from God that I could not yet think of Him in a
sufficiently vivid manner (så lefvande), I came into a state of
doubt whether I should not direct my journey homewards ; a
crowd of involved reasons [then] came, and my body was seized
with a tremor. Yet I gathered courage and perceived that
I had come [to Holland] to do that which was best of all,
and that I had received a talent for the promotion of God’s
glory; I saw that all had helped together to this end ; that
the Spirit had been with me from my youth for this very pur
pose ; wherefore I considered myself unworthy of life, unless,
* See Note 165, viii.
See Introduction to Document 208 p. 139.
See Note 162, i, F.
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