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Doc. 209.] HIS SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE IN 1744. 163
then as it is borne down on this side, He helps it up again.
Such have I found to be the case, speaking in a natural
manner; from which it follows that this is far from being our
own power, for that draws the scale down, and is rather
opposed to, than co-operating with the Spirit’s power ; and,
consequently, it is entirely our Lord’s work, which is thus
disposed by Him.
35. Ithen found that things were reproduced in my thoughts,
which had entered into them long before ; and I saw confirmed
thereby the truth of God’s Word that there is not the least
word or the least thought which God does not know, and for
which we ourselves should not be responsible, were it not for
God’s grace.*
36. This have I learned, that the only thing in this state
-and I do not know any other-is, in all humility to thank
God for His grace, and to pray for it, and to recognize our
own unworthiness, and God’s infinite grace.*
37. It was wonderful that I could have at one and the
same time two thoughts , which were quite distinct one for
myself who was occupied entirely by different thoughts, and
at the same time the thoughts of the temptation, in such wise
that nothing was able to drive them away. This kept me in
such a state of captivity that I was at a loss whither to fly,
for I carried them with me.
38. Afterwards, when various things occurred to me, of
which I had thought long ago, and which had become fixed
in my mind, it was just as if I had been told that I had
found reasons for excusing myself-this also was a great
temptation for me or again reasons for attributing to myself
the good that I had done, or rather that was done through
me: but God’s Spirit prevented even this, and caused me to
find it otherwise.
This last [temptation]† was severer than the first, as
it went to the innermost, and to resist it I received a stronger
evidence of the Spirit ; for at times I broke into a perspir
ation. What then arose in my mind had no longer the
* See Note 165, viii. See Note 162, i, E.
11*
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