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164 SWEDENBORG’S TRAVELS AND DIARIES. [Doc. 209.
effect of condemning me; for I had a strong assurance
that I had been forgiven ; but the desire came to excuse my
self, and make myself free. Very often I burst into tears,
not of sorrow, but of inmost joy at our Lord’s deigning to be
so gracious to so unworthy a sinner ; for the sum of all I
found to be this, that the only thing needful is to cast one
self in all humility on our Lord’s grace, to recognize one’s
own unworthiness, and to thank God in humility for His
grace: for if there is a feeling of glorification contained in it,
the tendency of which is towards our own honour-whether it
is a glorification of God’s grace or of anything else—such a
feeling is impure.*
40. While I was thinking, as is often the case, suppose
some one should consider me as a saint, and on that account
think highly of me ; nay, suppose, as is done by some simple
minded people, he should not only revere but also adore [me]
as one whom he considers a holy man or a saint ; in this
case I found that in the zeal in which I was, I was willing
to inflict upon him the greatest possible pain, rather than
that sin should be laid upon him. I saw also that I must
entreat the Lord with the most earnest prayers, not to have
any share in so damnable a sin, which would then be laid to
my charge. For Christ, in whom dwells the fulness of the
Godhead, must alone be addressed in prayer, because He
graciously accepts the greatest sinner, and does not take into
account our unworthiness , wherefore we must not approach
any except Him in prayer. He is omnipotent, and the only
Mediator; what He does on account of others who have been
sanctified, is His concern, not ours.
41. I found that I was more unworthy than others and the
greatest sinner, for this reason, that our Lord has granted me
to penetrate by thought into certain things more deeply than
many others ; and the very source of sin lies in the thoughts
I am carrying out ; so that my sins have on that account a
deeper foundation than those of many others ; and in this I
* See Note 165, viii.
See Note 165, i, and v.
See Note 165, ii.
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